Rules of Engagement

I know, I'm way overdue for this post. The unfortunate reality of life and all it's little distractions has kept me from blogging. But I'm back and I'll try not to neglect my adoring public again.

*crickets*

Yeah, I expected that. In any case, I want to make some site-related announcements before I get into my actual blog post. First, I have my own domain. You can now read the blog by visiting http://www.theunparent.com/. The old Blogger address will continue to work, so use whichever you like. I'm also going to redesign the site. I keep looking at it, and I keep cringing. Expect an update in the not-so-distant future. Now, onto the meat and potatoes of the day.

I am fighting on the rebel side of a war. I hate to call it that because it makes me sound like a fanatic on my position as an individual who is Child Free by Choice (CFBC), but given how much and how often I have to defend myself, "war" is as good a term as any. But any war has its terms, and here is one you should know, because I will be using it often. This post is part glossary, part battle-lines-being-drawn.

Breeders
At first glance, someone who misunderstands me when I say that I'm at war might think that I'm at war with everyone who has children. This is not so. I have many friends who are parents and I get along with them swimmingly. I also have friends I get along perfectly fine with as long as I stay away from the parenting aspect of their lives. These are the Breeders. A derogatory term, for sure, but there is a reason for it. While the normal parents will respect our decision and see parenting as one aspect of their lives, the Breeders make everything about their children. Their child's smallest accomplishment outweighs your biggest news. They play the victim and often make comments about how they don't have time to do the things others do because of their devotion to their families. They are the ones who cry out for society to bend to their every whim while everyone else has to compromise (see Attack on City Hall). Breeders take on a sense of superiority the rest of us could never possibly understand because we have chosen a different path. It's a form of fanaticism, of zealotry no different than that of political or religious radicals. Circumstances change very little in the Breeders' reaction. If someone chooses to be child free, they're making a mistake, they're selfish, immature, and a host of other things. If a person is child free because they can't conceive, they get pity and a pat on the head.

There you have it. Later on, I will post far more in-depth articles about the specifics For now the lines in the sand are there, and the CFBC are fighting against their stigma as social pariahs. We are outnumbered, and mass media is not on our side. But we are resilient, know ourselves very well, are confident in our decisions, and are mindful of our surroundings. There is more to war than brute force. There's skill, patience, determination, strategy and most of all, belief. We have all these traits, we are growing in numbers, and we are coming.

Meet the UnParent

Hello, and welcome to TheUnparent. But just who/what is The UnParent?

Well, in many ways I'm the picture of average. I'm a 32 year old man living in my first house. I'm married to the most wonderful woman in the world, I have a good steady 9-to-5 job in the IT field. I have my own car, a moderate amount of consumer debt, and I'm a cat owner.

But I don't have kids, and I never will.

That statement is weighty, and it always has been. In years past, procreation was a way of life. People grew into their teens, either paired off of their own will or were matched up by their families, and had children. Those children often worked on their parents' farms or apprenticed in town then grew to be teenagers, and the process repeated itself. Having children was expected of married couples, and doing otherwise was rogue behaviour to say the least. Couples without children could be tagged as blasphemers, or were often believed to have something "wrong" with them (whether the childlessness was attributed to decision or biology didn't matter in this case).

But Bob Dylan said it best: "The times, they are a-changin'". There's no longer a need for families to grow because of a need for a labour force. Parts of the world are overpopulated. Worldwide resources are dwindling. Having children is less of a necessity than it ever has been. However, there are still expectations placed on newer generations to have children. This expectation comes from many directions, and in many forms. These expectations are something I've chosen not to live up to. I've chosen not to be a parent.

This blog is not a soapbox. Though I may occasionally fire off a rant or 2, the point is to deliver arguments and explanations. I want my side of the story to be out there, for a few reasons. If you read discussion forums both for and against the child free lifestyle, there's an unofficial war brewing. While there's a lot of respect from both sides, there's also a lot of spite. I don't want to fight anyone, I want everyone to understand why other people make the decisions they do, and leave it at that. I also want to debunk myths and offer counter points to the many age-old arguments I (and my wife) face every day. I also want to tell this story from a man's point of view. The children/child free debate is often centered around women, as they are the child bearers of the species. But as a man, I also have a voice. I also have a mind, and I've made it up.

Welcome to The UnParent. I hope you'll be back.