That title is a line from one of my favourite movies of all time, which is always a good way to start. I've actually been toying with the idea of a post on child free public spaces for a while now, but I couldn't quite find the right jumping off point. Lucky for me, WestJet was nice enough to give me a catalyst:
WestJet makes great April Fool's jokes, and this is no exception. what got my attention, though, is how parents reacted to it. "Oh, if only we could have something like that, it would be heaven!" and other such statements along the general lines of I wish. Now, I admire the hard work that parents put into raising children. I also know that with such constant work being put into the task, having something like the stress of air travel being simplified would be a godsend. I mean, think of all the little, everyday things that become more difficult with small children. Air travel (or any kind of travel, really), going to the post office, buying groceries, booking a hotel, eating at a restaurant and more. I can't blame parents for thinking how much simpler it would be if children weren't part of the equation.
So why don't the childfree get that option?
No, really. There services out there offering childfree options (such as travel agencies, resorts, cruises), but most businesses that don't cater to young children are faced with the idea of discrimination. Many parents claim that it should be up to the business owners to meet the needs of families and provide dedicated spaces for their needs. In other words, they're asking for the same thing we are. The only difference is our requests remove a disruption from a public environment, while theirs creates an extra hardship for the business owners, and/or shows disregard for all of the business' other patrons. Speaking of consideration for other patrons, don't even think of limiting stroller access.
The bottom line here is that the breeders are crying about their civil rights. What this is really about is civil behaviour. If children always behaved, then this problem wouldn't exist. But kids are kids, and they get temperamental, they scream, they cry, they ooze, and who knows what else. I do think that common sense (which is unfortunately not common enough) should rule; I don't expect to see a child free McDonald's so I can eat my McNuggets in peace. I do, however, would welcome age-restricted restaurants, movie screenings, and a host of other activities. I want to enjoy a night out in peace, just like every parent out there wishes they could.
Insight into the day to day life of a man living Child Free By Choice
Monday, April 2, 2012
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Rules of Engagement
I know, I'm way overdue for this post. The unfortunate reality of life and all it's little distractions has kept me from blogging. But I'm back and I'll try not to neglect my adoring public again.
*crickets*
Yeah, I expected that. In any case, I want to make some site-related announcements before I get into my actual blog post. First, I have my own domain. You can now read the blog by visiting http://www.theunparent.com/. The old Blogger address will continue to work, so use whichever you like. I'm also going to redesign the site. I keep looking at it, and I keep cringing. Expect an update in the not-so-distant future. Now, onto the meat and potatoes of the day.
I am fighting on the rebel side of a war. I hate to call it that because it makes me sound like a fanatic on my position as an individual who is Child Free by Choice (CFBC), but given how much and how often I have to defend myself, "war" is as good a term as any. But any war has its terms, and here is one you should know, because I will be using it often. This post is part glossary, part battle-lines-being-drawn.
Breeders
At first glance, someone who misunderstands me when I say that I'm at war might think that I'm at war with everyone who has children. This is not so. I have many friends who are parents and I get along with them swimmingly. I also have friends I get along perfectly fine with as long as I stay away from the parenting aspect of their lives. These are the Breeders. A derogatory term, for sure, but there is a reason for it. While the normal parents will respect our decision and see parenting as one aspect of their lives, the Breeders make everything about their children. Their child's smallest accomplishment outweighs your biggest news. They play the victim and often make comments about how they don't have time to do the things others do because of their devotion to their families. They are the ones who cry out for society to bend to their every whim while everyone else has to compromise (see Attack on City Hall). Breeders take on a sense of superiority the rest of us could never possibly understand because we have chosen a different path. It's a form of fanaticism, of zealotry no different than that of political or religious radicals. Circumstances change very little in the Breeders' reaction. If someone chooses to be child free, they're making a mistake, they're selfish, immature, and a host of other things. If a person is child free because they can't conceive, they get pity and a pat on the head.
There you have it. Later on, I will post far more in-depth articles about the specifics For now the lines in the sand are there, and the CFBC are fighting against their stigma as social pariahs. We are outnumbered, and mass media is not on our side. But we are resilient, know ourselves very well, are confident in our decisions, and are mindful of our surroundings. There is more to war than brute force. There's skill, patience, determination, strategy and most of all, belief. We have all these traits, we are growing in numbers, and we are coming.
*crickets*
Yeah, I expected that. In any case, I want to make some site-related announcements before I get into my actual blog post. First, I have my own domain. You can now read the blog by visiting http://www.theunparent.com/. The old Blogger address will continue to work, so use whichever you like. I'm also going to redesign the site. I keep looking at it, and I keep cringing. Expect an update in the not-so-distant future. Now, onto the meat and potatoes of the day.
I am fighting on the rebel side of a war. I hate to call it that because it makes me sound like a fanatic on my position as an individual who is Child Free by Choice (CFBC), but given how much and how often I have to defend myself, "war" is as good a term as any. But any war has its terms, and here is one you should know, because I will be using it often. This post is part glossary, part battle-lines-being-drawn.
Breeders
At first glance, someone who misunderstands me when I say that I'm at war might think that I'm at war with everyone who has children. This is not so. I have many friends who are parents and I get along with them swimmingly. I also have friends I get along perfectly fine with as long as I stay away from the parenting aspect of their lives. These are the Breeders. A derogatory term, for sure, but there is a reason for it. While the normal parents will respect our decision and see parenting as one aspect of their lives, the Breeders make everything about their children. Their child's smallest accomplishment outweighs your biggest news. They play the victim and often make comments about how they don't have time to do the things others do because of their devotion to their families. They are the ones who cry out for society to bend to their every whim while everyone else has to compromise (see Attack on City Hall). Breeders take on a sense of superiority the rest of us could never possibly understand because we have chosen a different path. It's a form of fanaticism, of zealotry no different than that of political or religious radicals. Circumstances change very little in the Breeders' reaction. If someone chooses to be child free, they're making a mistake, they're selfish, immature, and a host of other things. If a person is child free because they can't conceive, they get pity and a pat on the head.
There you have it. Later on, I will post far more in-depth articles about the specifics For now the lines in the sand are there, and the CFBC are fighting against their stigma as social pariahs. We are outnumbered, and mass media is not on our side. But we are resilient, know ourselves very well, are confident in our decisions, and are mindful of our surroundings. There is more to war than brute force. There's skill, patience, determination, strategy and most of all, belief. We have all these traits, we are growing in numbers, and we are coming.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Attack on City Hall
This is going to be one of my more editorialized posts. I've discussed it with several friends who are parents, and most people disagree with me. But here is my view just the same.
Canada's capital is a unique area to live in, to say the least. Being such a politically driven city, there's a trickle effect that brings a higher than usual attention to political correctness, minorities, and greasing the squeaky wheels. OC Transpo, the city's public transit branch, is particularly targeted by everyone who wants their fair shake. Videotaped bus drivers, minority groups, labour disputes, etc. They are always dealing with something.
In the last few years, one hot topic has been strollers on buses. The city has tried numerous times to limit or outright ban large (what I call SUV-like) carriages and strollers on buses because they block the aisles, making it difficult for people to get by. At one point, regulations were put in place requiring strollers to be parked in the handicap spot, where the seats flip up and there's more room. That seemed like a good idea in theory, but elderly people on scooters and walkers, disabled people, even blind people with seeing-eye dogs were left to stand or sit elsewhere because a family was taking up the priority seating. But when the city has tried to tighten their restrictions to help the people missing out on priority seating, they had to deal with protesters. Not an angry mob, not a petition and not a series of constituents going to their city councillors. No, the City of Ottawa overturned their ruling because 15 parents stirred on the grounds of City Hall, with their toddlers and strollers.
15 parents. In a city of well over 800,000 people.
Is it far-fetched that a small group of people would make it known to public officials that a newly instated ruling displeases them? No, of course not. We live in a society where people have that right. What irked me is that the city nearly immediately capitulated and reversed their decision because 15 people knocked on City Council's door. This is a sign that parenthood has become trendy, and fashionable. Parents have become the hip social group no one wants to piss off, and people make unreasonable accommodations for them. Lots of people ride the bus. Every one of them has to make concessions for the benefit of other public transit users. Some people have to keep shopping bags in their lap when they'd rather put them on the seat beside them. Others stand when there's no room to sit, or give up their seat when someone needs it more than they do. They sit down wearing backpacks (something that's rather uncomfortable, trust me) so their bag doesn't take up too much space. But parents—these offended parents—insist that they be catered to. They won't fold their strollers or use a smaller one. They won't use a sling or baby carrier, or try to position themselves in a more accommodating manner. Because hey, they have children and they get to take up whatever space they damn well please.
Their attack on City Hall succeeded, but the rebellion is alive and well.
Canada's capital is a unique area to live in, to say the least. Being such a politically driven city, there's a trickle effect that brings a higher than usual attention to political correctness, minorities, and greasing the squeaky wheels. OC Transpo, the city's public transit branch, is particularly targeted by everyone who wants their fair shake. Videotaped bus drivers, minority groups, labour disputes, etc. They are always dealing with something.
In the last few years, one hot topic has been strollers on buses. The city has tried numerous times to limit or outright ban large (what I call SUV-like) carriages and strollers on buses because they block the aisles, making it difficult for people to get by. At one point, regulations were put in place requiring strollers to be parked in the handicap spot, where the seats flip up and there's more room. That seemed like a good idea in theory, but elderly people on scooters and walkers, disabled people, even blind people with seeing-eye dogs were left to stand or sit elsewhere because a family was taking up the priority seating. But when the city has tried to tighten their restrictions to help the people missing out on priority seating, they had to deal with protesters. Not an angry mob, not a petition and not a series of constituents going to their city councillors. No, the City of Ottawa overturned their ruling because 15 parents stirred on the grounds of City Hall, with their toddlers and strollers.
15 parents. In a city of well over 800,000 people.
Is it far-fetched that a small group of people would make it known to public officials that a newly instated ruling displeases them? No, of course not. We live in a society where people have that right. What irked me is that the city nearly immediately capitulated and reversed their decision because 15 people knocked on City Council's door. This is a sign that parenthood has become trendy, and fashionable. Parents have become the hip social group no one wants to piss off, and people make unreasonable accommodations for them. Lots of people ride the bus. Every one of them has to make concessions for the benefit of other public transit users. Some people have to keep shopping bags in their lap when they'd rather put them on the seat beside them. Others stand when there's no room to sit, or give up their seat when someone needs it more than they do. They sit down wearing backpacks (something that's rather uncomfortable, trust me) so their bag doesn't take up too much space. But parents—these offended parents—insist that they be catered to. They won't fold their strollers or use a smaller one. They won't use a sling or baby carrier, or try to position themselves in a more accommodating manner. Because hey, they have children and they get to take up whatever space they damn well please.
Their attack on City Hall succeeded, but the rebellion is alive and well.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Debunking the myth
There are many misconceptions about childfree individuals. I'm not entirely sure where these misconceptions stem from, but I can only assume it's like any other stereotype: judgement based on incomplete information and people filling in their own blanks. It's human nature to form an opinion even before we know the facts because we're inquisitive and can't really wrap our brains around incomplete concepts. As a childfree person, the most common belief I have to denounce is that I hate kids.
I won't lie, some people do hate children, and that's why they don't have any of their own. That's not my case. I LOVE children. I'm an uncle to a beautiful 7 yr old girl and a brilliant mechanically inclined 5 yr old boy. I'm the godfather of 2 boys, the oldest of which is sharp as a tack (the youngest is only 3 months old but he's giving mom and dad a run for their money). I love spending time with all of them. At my oldest godson's 3rd birthday, I wrangled 6 toddlers, probably ranging from 2 to 5 or 6 and took them to the play structure in the park. It was probably the most fun I'd had in a long time. Some of my most cherished photos are of me and my godson playing cars on the city mat I'd given him as a present. I take pride in insisting I always get a "Please" and a "Thank you" from all the children in my life because it reassures me that the small niceties of living in society are not yet lost. I can play with any or all of them for hours and enjoy every minute of it.
I don't change diapers. I don't get up early unless I have to. I watch television shows that are not appropriate for children. I play violent video games. I often eat dinner at 8PM. I go to bed well after midnight. I can have a conversation with my wife by yelling at her from across the house. I can keep breakables on display, even on low shelves. I don't have to babyproof my cabinet doors, electrical outlets, blinds, or any other part of my house. As much as I love children, I also love my lifestyle. I don't want to clean up biological hazards left around the house by tiny versions of me. I don't want the Treehouse channel on 24 hours a day. I don't want to have to plan my life around responsibility to my offspring. Some people tell me I'm wrong, and that if I really didn't hate kids, I'd have some of my own. I don't hate kids. I'm just highly selective about how I love them, and what space they take up in my life.
Many people say that being a parent is the best job in the world (and I have no doubt that to them, it is). I get to do the same job part time, and with none of the paperwork. I kinda like that deal.
I won't lie, some people do hate children, and that's why they don't have any of their own. That's not my case. I LOVE children. I'm an uncle to a beautiful 7 yr old girl and a brilliant mechanically inclined 5 yr old boy. I'm the godfather of 2 boys, the oldest of which is sharp as a tack (the youngest is only 3 months old but he's giving mom and dad a run for their money). I love spending time with all of them. At my oldest godson's 3rd birthday, I wrangled 6 toddlers, probably ranging from 2 to 5 or 6 and took them to the play structure in the park. It was probably the most fun I'd had in a long time. Some of my most cherished photos are of me and my godson playing cars on the city mat I'd given him as a present. I take pride in insisting I always get a "Please" and a "Thank you" from all the children in my life because it reassures me that the small niceties of living in society are not yet lost. I can play with any or all of them for hours and enjoy every minute of it.
I don't change diapers. I don't get up early unless I have to. I watch television shows that are not appropriate for children. I play violent video games. I often eat dinner at 8PM. I go to bed well after midnight. I can have a conversation with my wife by yelling at her from across the house. I can keep breakables on display, even on low shelves. I don't have to babyproof my cabinet doors, electrical outlets, blinds, or any other part of my house. As much as I love children, I also love my lifestyle. I don't want to clean up biological hazards left around the house by tiny versions of me. I don't want the Treehouse channel on 24 hours a day. I don't want to have to plan my life around responsibility to my offspring. Some people tell me I'm wrong, and that if I really didn't hate kids, I'd have some of my own. I don't hate kids. I'm just highly selective about how I love them, and what space they take up in my life.
Many people say that being a parent is the best job in the world (and I have no doubt that to them, it is). I get to do the same job part time, and with none of the paperwork. I kinda like that deal.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
The "many hats" syndrome
Social media is common place nowadays, for the parents and childfree alike. If you've ever been on Faceobok, then you've seen people post status updates that end with "repost this if ". Although I'm occasionally guilty of one of the groan-inducing Facebook status practices (posting song lyrics) I abhor these "repost this" statuses. They tend to elicit a "oh, give it a rest already" reaction from me. I'm jaded like that.
The "many hats" one, as I like to call it, takes the cake. Posts where a parent (often a mother, but not exclusively) will post about all the jobs they do, and how they don't get paid for it. They equate their daily practices to the skills that professionals hone and practice for years so they can make the necessary income to support themselves and possibly their families. Below are some of the most common ones I've seen, but it's an incomplete list. There is some repetition in my analyses and for that, I apologize.
Tailor/Seamstress: This is probably the one that has the most credibility, but still carries a warped sense of importance. Kids are hard on their clothing. That's what being a child is all about. Kids roll around in the mud, they climb trees, they run and play, they drag themselves around on the ground and who knows what else. Fabric can only take so much. For the budget conscious and mild to moderately crafty, fixing damaged clothing makes sense. Whether it's darning socks, patching jeans, sewing a tear, or even making basic garments from scratch, it's commendable to avoid waste and expense. But it doesn't put you anywhere near the professional level of a true tailor.
Chef: This one bothers me a lot. I've been cooking reasonably well since I was a teenager. Most of us have grasped a basic knowledge of making food for ourselves since moving out from our parents' house. The idea that making this food for children suddenly entitled one to the title of a chef is laughable. Even in the more selective households that choose to avoid processed foods and make absolutely everything from scratch, the meals are nowhere near what you would get from a professional chef. In the households that sacrifice a bit of that home made feeling for convenience (such as the house I grew up in), let's not even compare boxed mac & cheese with bologna to anything you can get from a chef.
Counsellor/Educator/Social worker: You're listening to a 7 yr. old talk about how they got shoved in the sandbox. Or teaching your teenager how to shave the 3 hairs on his chin (possibly on his back). You might be offering a shoulder to console a broken heart. You are not performing counselling, or any type of therapy. You are performing the basic tasks anyone would do for someone they care about be it close friend, family member, partner, etc. Short of home schooling (and doing it well), you're not an actual educator. You're conveying enough knowledge for your offspring to behave in society. That's pretty much the base definition of a parent in any social structure.
Driver/Chauffeur: This one is up there with being a chef. In 2009, there were just over 21 million licensed drivers in Canada (I apologize to anyone reading this from another country. Feel free to look up your own statistics). There were not 21 million chauffeurs. People drive cars, with or without children. Now, I will admit that having children will alter one's driving habits but that can be said of just about any aspect of a new parent's life. We all have different needs and routines when it comes to driving. Some parents don't even drive and do all right overall (though I have a bone to pick with some of the, stay tuned for that post). Unless you are in a luxury car driving your kids to fancy black tie events or award galas, you're not a chauffeur.
Nurse: A box of Sesame Street bandages and kisses on scraped knees is not a nursing degree. Lacking the advanced knowledge of Anatomy, Biology and medical practice, the average parent is, at best, skilled in performing the most basic of first aid.
There are variations of the "many hats" status post on Facebook, but these are the themes I see most often. These are tasks most childfree people do without blinking or demanding recognition for it. Granted, parents may do them in larger volumes, but these are tasks that were chosen. No one has kids and then thinks "I didn't think I'd be cooking more". No, these are responsibilities parents take on all throughout the animal kingdom - to make sure their young have what they need to survive. It's been going on long before humans even existed. Long before Facebook, credit and recognition were ever asked for. If children are taught to have such a sense of entitlement, does that make their parents "life coaches" too?
The "many hats" one, as I like to call it, takes the cake. Posts where a parent (often a mother, but not exclusively) will post about all the jobs they do, and how they don't get paid for it. They equate their daily practices to the skills that professionals hone and practice for years so they can make the necessary income to support themselves and possibly their families. Below are some of the most common ones I've seen, but it's an incomplete list. There is some repetition in my analyses and for that, I apologize.
Tailor/Seamstress: This is probably the one that has the most credibility, but still carries a warped sense of importance. Kids are hard on their clothing. That's what being a child is all about. Kids roll around in the mud, they climb trees, they run and play, they drag themselves around on the ground and who knows what else. Fabric can only take so much. For the budget conscious and mild to moderately crafty, fixing damaged clothing makes sense. Whether it's darning socks, patching jeans, sewing a tear, or even making basic garments from scratch, it's commendable to avoid waste and expense. But it doesn't put you anywhere near the professional level of a true tailor.
Chef: This one bothers me a lot. I've been cooking reasonably well since I was a teenager. Most of us have grasped a basic knowledge of making food for ourselves since moving out from our parents' house. The idea that making this food for children suddenly entitled one to the title of a chef is laughable. Even in the more selective households that choose to avoid processed foods and make absolutely everything from scratch, the meals are nowhere near what you would get from a professional chef. In the households that sacrifice a bit of that home made feeling for convenience (such as the house I grew up in), let's not even compare boxed mac & cheese with bologna to anything you can get from a chef.
Counsellor/Educator/Social worker: You're listening to a 7 yr. old talk about how they got shoved in the sandbox. Or teaching your teenager how to shave the 3 hairs on his chin (possibly on his back). You might be offering a shoulder to console a broken heart. You are not performing counselling, or any type of therapy. You are performing the basic tasks anyone would do for someone they care about be it close friend, family member, partner, etc. Short of home schooling (and doing it well), you're not an actual educator. You're conveying enough knowledge for your offspring to behave in society. That's pretty much the base definition of a parent in any social structure.
Driver/Chauffeur: This one is up there with being a chef. In 2009, there were just over 21 million licensed drivers in Canada (I apologize to anyone reading this from another country. Feel free to look up your own statistics). There were not 21 million chauffeurs. People drive cars, with or without children. Now, I will admit that having children will alter one's driving habits but that can be said of just about any aspect of a new parent's life. We all have different needs and routines when it comes to driving. Some parents don't even drive and do all right overall (though I have a bone to pick with some of the, stay tuned for that post). Unless you are in a luxury car driving your kids to fancy black tie events or award galas, you're not a chauffeur.
Nurse: A box of Sesame Street bandages and kisses on scraped knees is not a nursing degree. Lacking the advanced knowledge of Anatomy, Biology and medical practice, the average parent is, at best, skilled in performing the most basic of first aid.
There are variations of the "many hats" status post on Facebook, but these are the themes I see most often. These are tasks most childfree people do without blinking or demanding recognition for it. Granted, parents may do them in larger volumes, but these are tasks that were chosen. No one has kids and then thinks "I didn't think I'd be cooking more". No, these are responsibilities parents take on all throughout the animal kingdom - to make sure their young have what they need to survive. It's been going on long before humans even existed. Long before Facebook, credit and recognition were ever asked for. If children are taught to have such a sense of entitlement, does that make their parents "life coaches" too?
Monday, January 30, 2012
Censorship and Sensibility
This commercial was banned in the United States for being inappropriate:
I'm afraid I don't have the exact details of what "inappropriate" means in this case. I've unofficially heard that dying children offends the sensibilities of easily outraged television viewers (particularly parents) and should not be shown. But that would warp the message. The truth is that children do in fact die because of landmines and other war-related reasons. But because it happens half a world away, many of us have an "out of sight, out of mind" attitude.
It's unfair, it's tragic, and it's inhuman for children to get killed or maimed because they stepped a little too much to the left or right. But the U.N. had a point to make. They knew that having some high paid Hollywood actor on screen saying "landmines kill people" wouldn't be enough. In order to understand a plight, it's best to put it in terms your target audience can relate to. That's exactly what they did by showing a mine blowing up on a soccer field. The correct reaction to the message is to acknowledge that we live in a world where these horrible things happen. This is meant to spark action that enacts change, not to wrap the message in cotton batting or outright sweep it under the rug.
Children die every single day. No amount of outrage, or pretending that they don't, will make that go away.
I'm afraid I don't have the exact details of what "inappropriate" means in this case. I've unofficially heard that dying children offends the sensibilities of easily outraged television viewers (particularly parents) and should not be shown. But that would warp the message. The truth is that children do in fact die because of landmines and other war-related reasons. But because it happens half a world away, many of us have an "out of sight, out of mind" attitude.
It's unfair, it's tragic, and it's inhuman for children to get killed or maimed because they stepped a little too much to the left or right. But the U.N. had a point to make. They knew that having some high paid Hollywood actor on screen saying "landmines kill people" wouldn't be enough. In order to understand a plight, it's best to put it in terms your target audience can relate to. That's exactly what they did by showing a mine blowing up on a soccer field. The correct reaction to the message is to acknowledge that we live in a world where these horrible things happen. This is meant to spark action that enacts change, not to wrap the message in cotton batting or outright sweep it under the rug.
Children die every single day. No amount of outrage, or pretending that they don't, will make that go away.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
The 'what' and the 'why'
By now, it's obvious that I am not a parent. So what am I?
I'm a husband. I'm an uncle and a godfather. I'm a brother, a son, a nephew, a friend and so much more. I've chosen to define myself not by who I produce, but by who I am. My life is absolutely complete without having children. That's not to say that I've taken a stance against having children. On the contrary, I love my niece, nephew and godsons to pieces. They take up a special part of my life, a part I don't want to have dominate over the rest.
So where did my decision to be child free come from? I actually made the choice years ago, when I was in high school. At the time, I joked that it was because I liked to sleep until noon on weekends (what teenager doesn't?), but it turns out it was just a simplistic way of expressing what I felt. The truth is, I want to live my life in a way that doesn't work well when children are involved. I want to walk down the street and make a spur of the moment decision to go into a pub. I want to drive to my favourite city 2 hours away because I can't think of anything better to do. I want to spend the night away from home without having to think about it or plan. I want to see my friends when I want to, not just when I can. I want to watch MY shows on television, or spend hours playing video games or on my computer without an interruption. I want to skip dinner in favour of pizza at midnight.
This is where it gets tricky. I could have made that last paragraph three times as long without thinking too hard. The problem is, no matter how long I could have made the list, it wouldn't change the reactions I often get. People will sometimes call me selfish for not wanting children in favour of doing all those self-motivated things. I think it's honest. I don't like the sight of viscera, so I'm not be surgeon. I could be saving lives and making a difference in our otherwise understaffed health care system, but I'm not because I don't want to deal with the accompanying unpleasant aspects. By the same token, I don't want to be a parent. That's not being selfish, it's recognizing my own capabilities and limitations. Would you want a surgeon who gets squeamish when he cuts you open? Neither would I.
Surgeons don't get to sleep in much, though. I do every weekend and I love it.
I'm a husband. I'm an uncle and a godfather. I'm a brother, a son, a nephew, a friend and so much more. I've chosen to define myself not by who I produce, but by who I am. My life is absolutely complete without having children. That's not to say that I've taken a stance against having children. On the contrary, I love my niece, nephew and godsons to pieces. They take up a special part of my life, a part I don't want to have dominate over the rest.
So where did my decision to be child free come from? I actually made the choice years ago, when I was in high school. At the time, I joked that it was because I liked to sleep until noon on weekends (what teenager doesn't?), but it turns out it was just a simplistic way of expressing what I felt. The truth is, I want to live my life in a way that doesn't work well when children are involved. I want to walk down the street and make a spur of the moment decision to go into a pub. I want to drive to my favourite city 2 hours away because I can't think of anything better to do. I want to spend the night away from home without having to think about it or plan. I want to see my friends when I want to, not just when I can. I want to watch MY shows on television, or spend hours playing video games or on my computer without an interruption. I want to skip dinner in favour of pizza at midnight.
This is where it gets tricky. I could have made that last paragraph three times as long without thinking too hard. The problem is, no matter how long I could have made the list, it wouldn't change the reactions I often get. People will sometimes call me selfish for not wanting children in favour of doing all those self-motivated things. I think it's honest. I don't like the sight of viscera, so I'm not be surgeon. I could be saving lives and making a difference in our otherwise understaffed health care system, but I'm not because I don't want to deal with the accompanying unpleasant aspects. By the same token, I don't want to be a parent. That's not being selfish, it's recognizing my own capabilities and limitations. Would you want a surgeon who gets squeamish when he cuts you open? Neither would I.
Surgeons don't get to sleep in much, though. I do every weekend and I love it.
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