This commercial was banned in the United States for being inappropriate:
I'm afraid I don't have the exact details of what "inappropriate" means in this case. I've unofficially heard that dying children offends the sensibilities of easily outraged television viewers (particularly parents) and should not be shown. But that would warp the message. The truth is that children do in fact die because of landmines and other war-related reasons. But because it happens half a world away, many of us have an "out of sight, out of mind" attitude.
It's unfair, it's tragic, and it's inhuman for children to get killed or maimed because they stepped a little too much to the left or right. But the U.N. had a point to make. They knew that having some high paid Hollywood actor on screen saying "landmines kill people" wouldn't be enough. In order to understand a plight, it's best to put it in terms your target audience can relate to. That's exactly what they did by showing a mine blowing up on a soccer field. The correct reaction to the message is to acknowledge that we live in a world where these horrible things happen. This is meant to spark action that enacts change, not to wrap the message in cotton batting or outright sweep it under the rug.
Children die every single day. No amount of outrage, or pretending that they don't, will make that go away.
Insight into the day to day life of a man living Child Free By Choice
Monday, January 30, 2012
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
The 'what' and the 'why'
By now, it's obvious that I am not a parent. So what am I?
I'm a husband. I'm an uncle and a godfather. I'm a brother, a son, a nephew, a friend and so much more. I've chosen to define myself not by who I produce, but by who I am. My life is absolutely complete without having children. That's not to say that I've taken a stance against having children. On the contrary, I love my niece, nephew and godsons to pieces. They take up a special part of my life, a part I don't want to have dominate over the rest.
So where did my decision to be child free come from? I actually made the choice years ago, when I was in high school. At the time, I joked that it was because I liked to sleep until noon on weekends (what teenager doesn't?), but it turns out it was just a simplistic way of expressing what I felt. The truth is, I want to live my life in a way that doesn't work well when children are involved. I want to walk down the street and make a spur of the moment decision to go into a pub. I want to drive to my favourite city 2 hours away because I can't think of anything better to do. I want to spend the night away from home without having to think about it or plan. I want to see my friends when I want to, not just when I can. I want to watch MY shows on television, or spend hours playing video games or on my computer without an interruption. I want to skip dinner in favour of pizza at midnight.
This is where it gets tricky. I could have made that last paragraph three times as long without thinking too hard. The problem is, no matter how long I could have made the list, it wouldn't change the reactions I often get. People will sometimes call me selfish for not wanting children in favour of doing all those self-motivated things. I think it's honest. I don't like the sight of viscera, so I'm not be surgeon. I could be saving lives and making a difference in our otherwise understaffed health care system, but I'm not because I don't want to deal with the accompanying unpleasant aspects. By the same token, I don't want to be a parent. That's not being selfish, it's recognizing my own capabilities and limitations. Would you want a surgeon who gets squeamish when he cuts you open? Neither would I.
Surgeons don't get to sleep in much, though. I do every weekend and I love it.
I'm a husband. I'm an uncle and a godfather. I'm a brother, a son, a nephew, a friend and so much more. I've chosen to define myself not by who I produce, but by who I am. My life is absolutely complete without having children. That's not to say that I've taken a stance against having children. On the contrary, I love my niece, nephew and godsons to pieces. They take up a special part of my life, a part I don't want to have dominate over the rest.
So where did my decision to be child free come from? I actually made the choice years ago, when I was in high school. At the time, I joked that it was because I liked to sleep until noon on weekends (what teenager doesn't?), but it turns out it was just a simplistic way of expressing what I felt. The truth is, I want to live my life in a way that doesn't work well when children are involved. I want to walk down the street and make a spur of the moment decision to go into a pub. I want to drive to my favourite city 2 hours away because I can't think of anything better to do. I want to spend the night away from home without having to think about it or plan. I want to see my friends when I want to, not just when I can. I want to watch MY shows on television, or spend hours playing video games or on my computer without an interruption. I want to skip dinner in favour of pizza at midnight.
This is where it gets tricky. I could have made that last paragraph three times as long without thinking too hard. The problem is, no matter how long I could have made the list, it wouldn't change the reactions I often get. People will sometimes call me selfish for not wanting children in favour of doing all those self-motivated things. I think it's honest. I don't like the sight of viscera, so I'm not be surgeon. I could be saving lives and making a difference in our otherwise understaffed health care system, but I'm not because I don't want to deal with the accompanying unpleasant aspects. By the same token, I don't want to be a parent. That's not being selfish, it's recognizing my own capabilities and limitations. Would you want a surgeon who gets squeamish when he cuts you open? Neither would I.
Surgeons don't get to sleep in much, though. I do every weekend and I love it.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Meet the UnParent
Hello, and welcome to TheUnparent. But just who/what is The UnParent?
Well, in many ways I'm the picture of average. I'm a 32 year old man living in my first house. I'm married to the most wonderful woman in the world, I have a good steady 9-to-5 job in the IT field. I have my own car, a moderate amount of consumer debt, and I'm a cat owner.
But I don't have kids, and I never will.
That statement is weighty, and it always has been. In years past, procreation was a way of life. People grew into their teens, either paired off of their own will or were matched up by their families, and had children. Those children often worked on their parents' farms or apprenticed in town then grew to be teenagers, and the process repeated itself. Having children was expected of married couples, and doing otherwise was rogue behaviour to say the least. Couples without children could be tagged as blasphemers, or were often believed to have something "wrong" with them (whether the childlessness was attributed to decision or biology didn't matter in this case).
But Bob Dylan said it best: "The times, they are a-changin'". There's no longer a need for families to grow because of a need for a labour force. Parts of the world are overpopulated. Worldwide resources are dwindling. Having children is less of a necessity than it ever has been. However, there are still expectations placed on newer generations to have children. This expectation comes from many directions, and in many forms. These expectations are something I've chosen not to live up to. I've chosen not to be a parent.
This blog is not a soapbox. Though I may occasionally fire off a rant or 2, the point is to deliver arguments and explanations. I want my side of the story to be out there, for a few reasons. If you read discussion forums both for and against the child free lifestyle, there's an unofficial war brewing. While there's a lot of respect from both sides, there's also a lot of spite. I don't want to fight anyone, I want everyone to understand why other people make the decisions they do, and leave it at that. I also want to debunk myths and offer counter points to the many age-old arguments I (and my wife) face every day. I also want to tell this story from a man's point of view. The children/child free debate is often centered around women, as they are the child bearers of the species. But as a man, I also have a voice. I also have a mind, and I've made it up.
Welcome to The UnParent. I hope you'll be back.
Well, in many ways I'm the picture of average. I'm a 32 year old man living in my first house. I'm married to the most wonderful woman in the world, I have a good steady 9-to-5 job in the IT field. I have my own car, a moderate amount of consumer debt, and I'm a cat owner.
But I don't have kids, and I never will.
That statement is weighty, and it always has been. In years past, procreation was a way of life. People grew into their teens, either paired off of their own will or were matched up by their families, and had children. Those children often worked on their parents' farms or apprenticed in town then grew to be teenagers, and the process repeated itself. Having children was expected of married couples, and doing otherwise was rogue behaviour to say the least. Couples without children could be tagged as blasphemers, or were often believed to have something "wrong" with them (whether the childlessness was attributed to decision or biology didn't matter in this case).
But Bob Dylan said it best: "The times, they are a-changin'". There's no longer a need for families to grow because of a need for a labour force. Parts of the world are overpopulated. Worldwide resources are dwindling. Having children is less of a necessity than it ever has been. However, there are still expectations placed on newer generations to have children. This expectation comes from many directions, and in many forms. These expectations are something I've chosen not to live up to. I've chosen not to be a parent.
This blog is not a soapbox. Though I may occasionally fire off a rant or 2, the point is to deliver arguments and explanations. I want my side of the story to be out there, for a few reasons. If you read discussion forums both for and against the child free lifestyle, there's an unofficial war brewing. While there's a lot of respect from both sides, there's also a lot of spite. I don't want to fight anyone, I want everyone to understand why other people make the decisions they do, and leave it at that. I also want to debunk myths and offer counter points to the many age-old arguments I (and my wife) face every day. I also want to tell this story from a man's point of view. The children/child free debate is often centered around women, as they are the child bearers of the species. But as a man, I also have a voice. I also have a mind, and I've made it up.
Welcome to The UnParent. I hope you'll be back.
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