Parents lie to themselves (and to others) about how great parenthood is.
I've seen this phenomenon in varying degrees, but just about any parent that tries to convince me of the error of my child free ways shows symptoms. It's not entirely their fault, but I'll get to that part. First, let's look at the different components of The Great Lie.
The compaints
This one has to be gauged on a case-by-case basis, because some of it garners sympathy whereas some of it is just begging for a smack upside the head. The gist of it is parents complaining about how tired they are, how they never get a break, how the little one was up all night coughing/sneezing/fussing/crying/general oozing, and above all else how much hard work they put into being such a fantastic parent. While I wasn't a hellion, I'll admit I wasn't the easiest to raise. I can appreciate how much work is required to raise a child. Really, I can. But every single one of the parents I speak of tells similar stories expecting a parade, a plaque and a congratulatory ham for being the most awesome human being in the history of awesomeness, or human beings. Fertility doesn't automatically entitle one to praise. Parenthood - at least in this part of the world - is largely a choice. So if one choses to be in a particular situation, shouldn't they accept all the consequences of that choice? Why all this complaining?The lie
Some people make the choice to be parents for the wrong reasons. Being a parent (particularly a mother) is trendy in today's society. Pregnant or adopting celebrities are all the rage (Brangelina, anyone?). Even multiple births are now a thing to be gawked at and admired; to the point of people breeding out of control and having their own reality shows. So people jump into parenthood expecting nothing but smiles and rainbows and pictures to hang on the fridge and Christmas mornings and good mannered kids and flawless bedtime every night and... and... and... They don't really stop to think about the other side of it. The commitment of being responsible for another life is a HUGE undertaking. There are going to be a lot of sleepless nights, a lot of tears, and they will be tested to the very limits of their mind, body and soul. It is one of the longest and most arduous ordeals a person can face. Still, prospective parents prefer to not think of all that. They focus on the positive. Or they engage in the aforementioned complaining to garner praise and admiration from those around them, so they feel validated. But why?It's all worth it
This one has been around forever. Traditionally, this is said by women referring to the pain of childbirth, and how it was worth putting up with to see their baby for the first time. Frankly, I can't argue with that one. Babies are, after all, miracles. Whether you believe they are by design or pure biology, they are undeniably impressive with all their physical intricacies in such a small package. Seeing a child that emerged from your body for the first time would certainly make a person forget about hours of pain to get to that point. I get that. It seems like the statement has been given too much power, though. It's a catch-all rebuttal whenever you bring up the difficulties and pains of parenthood. No matter how hard it is to be a parent, no matter how much trouble having children can be, it's all worth it. So why always the same response?No regrets
It's simply not socially acceptable to regret having children. No matter what happens, if a parent gives the slightest indication that having children was a mistake (whether it be timing, the mate they had the children with, or having children altogether), they become a pariah. I want to make a point of saying that it's entirely possible to regret being a parent, but still love your children. Most people won't make that distinction, but it is a very real one. One can regret doing something but love the end result (it's not all piss and vinegar, people). Whatever the nature of the regret, though, other parents will denounce them for heresy. "Being a parent is the best thing in the world, and you will not speak against it", they will cry. So this all begs the question... why does this keep happening, and why do parents keep falling into the trap?They were lied to
This is not a recent phenomenon, and child freedom is a very new thing. Just a generation or two ago, you were an oddity if you were child free. Countless civilizations have sold their daughters, but only when they were of age to bear children. Marriages weren't considered to be official until there was a bun in the oven, because we've been programmed from prehistoric days to mate for the purpose of procreation. Many religiously-driven people will live by the credo "go forth and multiply" or something similar. Nowadays, the propagation of the human race isn't so critical, but the pattern was set in motion ages ago. So people have children because it's expected of them. Some of them genuinely do enjoy it, and are suited for it (I happen to know and admire some of these people). The rest have to convince themselves. They have to bear their cross, and so they talk themselves into thinking they enjoy parent hood by telling themselves a tall tale, a grand story, a great lie.Caveat emptor applies to more than just shopping.
