Note: this post was written years ago, and only when I was digging this old blog out of mothballs for posterity's sake did I realize this had been left as a draft.
There's a go-to conclusion many people reach when they hear something they don't agree with, or something that is so diametrically opposed to their point of view that they refuse to even acknowledge the existence of the opposing viewpoint.
"You just don't understand!"
Child-free individuals face this a lot. Of all the topics of conversation that exist out there, raising children is one we're not allowed to have an opinion on. Well, I shouldn't say that. We're allowed to have an opinion, it's just not valid. No matter what the suggestion or comment is, it's dismissed out of hand by many parents because "you don't understand, you don't have kids" or the snarkier "you're clearly not a parent if you're saying THAT". I could be suggesting they let their kid breathe instead of having that plastic bag on their head, and I'd still be wrong.
Why so Serious?
What's the point of summarily attacking a viewpoint without discussion? Why not just debate, explain your own viewpoint, and hope that everyone learns something? A friend of mine recently pointed out that being child-free means I lack perspective on parenting. I don't think I lack perspective, I think I have a different one. I have the luxury of seeing the situation from a distance, more objectively. A parent is bound to take a stance that favours their family; I'd expect no less. On the other hand, I can step back and look at multiple factors: the individual parent, the other parent (where applicable), the siblings, the schooling, the environment in general, the choice of toys or entertainment, etc. and reach a conclusion more dispassionately than someone who might measure their worth as a parent based on the findings. I think it's an extension of
The Great Lie, that giving validation to the opinion of an "outsider" somehow besmirches their parenting skills. And so the collective Breeder consciousness shuts us out and we are unable to offer counsel, doomed to always be out of the loop.
A little fight in you. I like that
Debate is healthy. An argument can be productive so long as it's well intended and respectful. But far too often, the responses I've gotten included a scoff or the other party outright laughed right in my face. That's disrespectful and rude. It's entirely possible that I didn't think of a certain aspect, or that my opinion or idea isn't correct. I invite anyone I'm talking to about anything to open a dialog so we can talk about it, so that I can learn. But somehow, if I dare say anything about how anyone raises their child—even the most innocuous of comments—I get ridiculed and ostracized for it. How dare I even think I have anything pertinent to say on the matter? It's not like I would ever comment on politics, or religion, or social trends, or fashion, or the entertainment world or... oh wait.
You'll hunt me. You'll condemn me. Set the dogs on me
Because that's what needs to happen. Because as long as the Breeder elitism reigns and parenting is trendy, they'll need someone to be the bad guy. Someone has to be wrong in order for them to be right. Some will say that this article is hypocrisy, that I'm no better than what I'm denouncing because I'm wantonly "attacking" the other side. I say that I'm encouraging a less adversarial approach and I live for the day when I won't have anything to write about anymore. Until then, I can't just stand here.
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