The "many hats" one, as I like to call it, takes the cake. Posts where a parent (often a mother, but not exclusively) will post about all the jobs they do, and how they don't get paid for it. They equate their daily practices to the skills that professionals hone and practice for years so they can make the necessary income to support themselves and possibly their families. Below are some of the most common ones I've seen, but it's an incomplete list. There is some repetition in my analyses and for that, I apologize.
Tailor/Seamstress: This is probably the one that has the most credibility, but still carries a warped sense of importance. Kids are hard on their clothing. That's what being a child is all about. Kids roll around in the mud, they climb trees, they run and play, they drag themselves around on the ground and who knows what else. Fabric can only take so much. For the budget conscious and mild to moderately crafty, fixing damaged clothing makes sense. Whether it's darning socks, patching jeans, sewing a tear, or even making basic garments from scratch, it's commendable to avoid waste and expense. But it doesn't put you anywhere near the professional level of a true tailor.
Chef: This one bothers me a lot. I've been cooking reasonably well since I was a teenager. Most of us have grasped a basic knowledge of making food for ourselves since moving out from our parents' house. The idea that making this food for children suddenly entitled one to the title of a chef is laughable. Even in the more selective households that choose to avoid processed foods and make absolutely everything from scratch, the meals are nowhere near what you would get from a professional chef. In the households that sacrifice a bit of that home made feeling for convenience (such as the house I grew up in), let's not even compare boxed mac & cheese with bologna to anything you can get from a chef.
Counsellor/Educator/Social worker: You're listening to a 7 yr. old talk about how they got shoved in the sandbox. Or teaching your teenager how to shave the 3 hairs on his chin (possibly on his back). You might be offering a shoulder to console a broken heart. You are not performing counselling, or any type of therapy. You are performing the basic tasks anyone would do for someone they care about be it close friend, family member, partner, etc. Short of home schooling (and doing it well), you're not an actual educator. You're conveying enough knowledge for your offspring to behave in society. That's pretty much the base definition of a parent in any social structure.
Driver/Chauffeur: This one is up there with being a chef. In 2009, there were just over 21 million licensed drivers in Canada (I apologize to anyone reading this from another country. Feel free to look up your own statistics). There were not 21 million chauffeurs. People drive cars, with or without children. Now, I will admit that having children will alter one's driving habits but that can be said of just about any aspect of a new parent's life. We all have different needs and routines when it comes to driving. Some parents don't even drive and do all right overall (though I have a bone to pick with some of the, stay tuned for that post). Unless you are in a luxury car driving your kids to fancy black tie events or award galas, you're not a chauffeur.
Nurse: A box of Sesame Street bandages and kisses on scraped knees is not a nursing degree. Lacking the advanced knowledge of Anatomy, Biology and medical practice, the average parent is, at best, skilled in performing the most basic of first aid.
There are variations of the "many hats" status post on Facebook, but these are the themes I see most often. These are tasks most childfree people do without blinking or demanding recognition for it. Granted, parents may do them in larger volumes, but these are tasks that were chosen. No one has kids and then thinks "I didn't think I'd be cooking more". No, these are responsibilities parents take on all throughout the animal kingdom - to make sure their young have what they need to survive. It's been going on long before humans even existed. Long before Facebook, credit and recognition were ever asked for. If children are taught to have such a sense of entitlement, does that make their parents "life coaches" too?
I think all the "repost" and "like this" posts on Facebook are silly too. However, the Many Hats thing isn't meant to be taken seriously. No one believes they are equally qualified as chefs or nurses. It just a way to laugh at how overwhelmed and under prepared we all really are for the demands of parenthood. As much as you *think* you're prepared, it always turns out to be more challenging than you imagined it to be. It's not put out there to demand credit and recognition, but for others to laugh and commiserate with each other. Don't be so serious!
ReplyDeleteOh, I realize not every person who posts or re-posts these statuses is waving a torch and pitchfork. But there are extremists who genuinely believe they deserve payment or recognition for the duties they perform. The point is also to show that many of these things are done by parents and the child free alike, but only parents make a point of drawing attention to it.
ReplyDeleteIt's a stern post, for sure, but It's a smaller target than it might seem.
I'd like to mention an exception to the Educator note: I have a friend from college whose 6-year-old son was more knowledgeable and articulate than some high school students I currently know, and it was because she (as a single mother, at the time) took an active role in his education outside of what he was getting from preschool (or kindergarten, whatever's applicable). This kid was talking to me about rainbows and light spectrums and stuff. It blew my mind.
ReplyDeleteSuch exceptions, obviously, are all too rare. But I felt the need to give a little props to her, because she's one of those parents that doesn't bother me that she has such a big family - because she's good at being a parent.
Thing is...they chose it. I know the people you are talking about, they don't just occasionally mention laughingly about all their hats...they go on...and...on...
ReplyDeleteThey even research and crunch numbers on how much they would be getting paid if these were their actual jobs. They devote real time to this level of complaining... odd since supposedly they should be off raising these kids and too busy switching hats to complain on the internet.
I have always felt the same about that particular post but now you have put it in words for me! I would "repost" THIS! :D
ReplyDelete