An introduction to BINGO for the CFBC

Time for my first official post since being back. And I have to say, it feels good.

I had never heard of the BINGO phenomenon until my lovely wife made me aware of it some time last year. As individuals who are child free by choice, we often answer the same questions, face the same prejudices and struggle against the same stereotypes over and over again. It's a lot like a game of BINGO where you know what the numbers are, but you don't know which you'll hear next. You just know one of them will pop up sooner or later. Some CFBC people have actually drawn up BINGO cards that they mark off when someone brings up one of these points. While I won't post about it with any sort of regimented schedule, I will address a BINGO call every now and then. So without further ado...

"You'll change your mind when you have kids of your own"

The boldest and possibly the most idiotic of all BINGO calls. It's also one of the most common. People hear that I am child free and assume that it's a phase, that I'll grow out of it. They immediately assume that what I chose is wrong and will invariably right itself in the future. You know, when I have those kids I don't want. There is no higher form of self righteousness. The person is arbitrarily deciding that a) my decision is incorrect and b) I WILL have children regardless of what I've just said, and I WILL enjoy it. I got news for you: I won't, and I won't. In that order.

This BINGO call stems largely from the fact that a lot of people can't even conceive of a life without children. It's like air, or water, or food. You can't not have kids. So to them, it's as though I was saying I'll never breathe again because I don't want to. They don't perceive there's a choice. That's one thing, and I can almost understand it (despite a lack of willingness to open their mind a bit and look at the bigger picture). What bothers me the most is that once they've informed me that I will have children one day, they proceed to tell me that I will enjoy it. No ifs, ands or buts. No questions asked. I will enjoy having children. It is an absolute.

What if I don't? What then?

That's the all important question. Let's say I go along with the hype and decide to get my wife the most pregnant she could ever be in her life. She pops out a kid or two, and lo and behold, we're miserable. There is no love at first sight, there is no joy of parenting, there is no unconditional love. There's another mouth to feed, a risen baseline level of everyday stress and worry, a financial burden. What then? This isn't WalMart. I can't take the kid back and ask for a refund. No. This decision has the most fundamental of life altering consequences. I will not make such changes based on someone's assurance that a decision I made and haven't swayed from since I was a teenager will suddenly, magically reverse itself once I'm already in over my head.

How many people who drive a small car because it's their comfort zone could be convinced to buy the largest SUV on the market on the premise that "it will change"? How many country farmhouse owners could be talked into a high rise condo in an urban jungle? I don't understand why such simple logic is tossed aside in favour of pressuring me to conceive. Actually, I DO have a theory but that will merit its own post. Stay tuned!