I'm a lapsed catholic. Growing up, my mother would bring us to church twice a year: Christmas Eve, and Easter Sunday. There was little enthusiasm because it was just something we had to do. Naturally, we disliked going to sit in a quiet building sitting on uncomfortable pews listening to a man we didn't know drone on about the lessons of the Bible. To us, Christmas was about presents. My parents tried their best to teach us that we were fortunate because not every boy and girl had presents or even a tree. We were told to appreciate what we had. But the memories of those lessons pale compared to the sight of presents too numerous to fit under the tree and of the hours my mother spent wrapping them. Most prominently of all my memories is how my mother insisted that my brother and I have exactly the same number of packages, and that the total amount spent on our packages was within X number of dollars of each other. If she couldn't make it within that margin, one of us would get a card with money in it (sometimes we both would, with different amounts. She HAD to make quota), with a very intense explanation as to why. To a point, that's reasonable. You don't want to show your kids favoritism, I get it. But the vehemence with which my mother clings to this ideal is frightening, bordering on indoctrinating.
Now, my brother has 2 kids, so they are subject to the same treatment both from their parents, and my mother (my father is quite different, but arguing with my mother would make for a hostile environment. He plays along). From a very young age, these kids are being taught to count presents, and the whole "he/she has more than I do" schtick. It annoys me and it's totally unnecessary. All it's teaching them is a sense of entitlement and expectation, not fairness. Add to that the fact that the kids are being given any and all item that fits their specific niche craze of the moment (Disney princesses and Pixar's Cars, in case you were wondering), whether they ask for it or even know of it's existence. They are being saturated with consumerism.
Kids don't learn what you tell them. They don't learn what you intend to teach them. They are conditioned by their environments. You do it, they do it. That's not an absolute, but it's a damn good rule of thumb. At this rate, my niece and nephew are going to turn into People of Walmart.
And so, I stand in defiance. I give them educational or creative toys every year for their birthdays and Christmas. I can't wait until they're old enough for telescopes, chemistry sets, watercolors, pottery, electronics kits, etc. I plan to be there to help them crack their gifts open and learn to play with them properly because I know damn well their parents will sit them in front of the hundreds of hours of recorded shows on the PVR. I'm going to take them back-country camping, teach them to start a fire with their bare hands, explain to them why the sky is blue, tell them how volcanoes work, show them what global warming is, teach them why Febreeze and other chemicals are bad, watch "Supersize me" and "Food, Inc." with them and so many more things.
Knowledge is power. These may not be my kids, but I'll be damned if they're going out in this insane world powerless. They're as close to a legacy as I have, and I want to be proud of who and what they are when I leave them behind for what lies beyond. So to those of you who approve of and embrace the way my family behaves, I dare you to tell me the childfree are forsaking their "responsibility" of building a future because they're not having kids. I dare you.
Bah Humbug, everyone.
Your godson and his mother would love a telescope if you are interested in giving any out this year.
ReplyDeleteHe actually asked for one this year but it was with 50 other things he asked for. I told him to pick 3 things and it didn't make the cut :( I also didn't buy all 3 things. He only got 1 of the 3 things he asked Santa for. No way was I buying him a $150 TMNT playset that he would be over by the end of the first day.
Great post Rock, I lol'd a few times! My mom did the whole equal thing too, and so do I, but believe me, it's because they notice. My kids will actually stick their glasses one next to the other to check if I gave them the exact same amount of juice. I will also get a comment or a look of dissatisfaction from whomever got 3ml less. It is a never ending competition, to see who gets to run downstairs and get juice, who gets more kisses from mom, who will open the door, who will drive me to the brink of insanity first.... lol
ReplyDeleteThis isn't something parents instill, it is something that just happens with siblings.
One thing though. As an unparent, you don't get to judge parents. It is easy to be the world's greatest aunt/uncle when you only see them every so often. It is quite another when they are with you everyday. I know, because I was the world's best aunt. I don't even think I qualify as Gatineau's best mom. The jobs are too different to be compared.
You started this blog as a way to assume your choice to not be a parent, but your last few posts seem to be all about how you resent parents in general. You don't like the benefits they get, disapprove of the way they raise their kids, etc. You were demanding respect for your choice, but seem to sit in judgement of those who chose differently... hmmmm?
Don't get me wrong, I love the way you write, you're still so funny, but I ask you: What is your intent with this blog?
Best line ever:
At this rate, my niece and nephew are going to turn into People of Walmart.
(take 2 at writing this)
ReplyDeleteI understand that there has to be some measure of fairness. Sometimes, the irrational quest for equality or superiority can be mitigated, other times it's just easier to give in and use a chemist's medicine dropper to dispense the juice. I get that. But you don't chase your boys down with the bottle with the bottle unless they make a fuss about it. In my family, it's become a disease. Regardless of what the kids say, there's this parental and grandparental obsession with giving everything to both kids. My mother does it to alleviate her own guilt. As though she has to constantly convince herself that she doesn't have a favourite. It's that obsession I don't get.
One of the reasons I started this blog was because the childfree movement is gaining more and more exposure, but there aren't many public male voices. It's true that some of my posts are more spiteful than others (serves me right for blogging when I'm annoyed with my mother!). The truth is, I get judged all the time. To a certain extent, I have to fight back, and that's sort of taken over the focus of the blog. Hopefully I can nudge it back to a more centrist view.
"As an unparent, you don't get to judge parents"
There's a post coming up next week on this very topic.
LOL! "serves me right for blogging when I'm annoyed with my mother" I love reading you. Honestly though, I get annoyed at my boys when they whine about such trivial things as the juice example. "There's a full bottle right there. If you're done and you want more, there is more. Quit whining" and I'm also big on "Oh what difference does it make to your life? So you didn't get to push the button this time. Really, what difference does that make????"
ReplyDeleteI have digressed into a personal rant. sorry.
I fully expected that sentence to illicit a post from you. ;) Can't wait to read it.
I was going to say, the thing about feeling guilty about having a favorite. Because you always have a favorite, whether or not you care to admit it. Just happens that mine varies on a daily basis, depending on who is being the bigger brat. :)
ReplyDeleteMy favourite first thing in the mornings is the 5 year old as he can make himself cereal and let mommy sleep a little longer. My favourite mid mornings is the 1 year old as he naps. I don't have a favourite in the afternoon as they are tied. 5 year old is at school, 1 year old is napping and mommy gets a hot coffee.
ReplyDeletelol!!!
ReplyDelete